I’ve Opened Myself To Killers (ep. 18 – the Finale)

I had an absolutely engaging conversation via text w a man Dec 5th to the 9th.

On the 9th I simply stopped responding. Not because his conversation wasn’t great. Not because he had said something to disinterest me. Apparently I had moved on.

I moved on to the point that I found this thread while cleaning out the text in my phone and wondered.. “who was this?” As from the text he was so interesting and funny!

Is it normal to be able to disregard people so easily?

No one made it from the last update except Dante and Mr. Cancun. One of these two disqualified himself by having a baby on the way and the other had me taking antibiotics for a week. I’ll let you guess who’s who.

There was a new guy named Brandon… I think. He was super cool! A teacher from S. Carolina living in Dallas and the personality to match mine! (The energy was overwhelming) That is… until he made the comment that everyone should speak English cause this is American for Christ’s sake. This was immediately met w awkward silence from me cause… Okay.

Then there was this woke brotha that kept telling me that he “isn’t from here” which made him have a higher level of thinking than any man I’d met locally (his words), but when I asked what that thinking was his response was continuously “I’m not from here” which led me to believe that that’s…. all he knew.

Fast forward to Mr. If I tell her she ain’t cute she will come to me. I’ve seen this reverse psychology method in Will Farrell movies, but if he wasn’t interested he wouldn’t have swiped right then started and tried to keep the conversation with me. What he didn’t know was I swipe right on everybody. I don’t read profiles until there’s a match!

I call it saving energy. Sometimes I engage in the started conversation then go look at the pictures and OH NO BABY WHAT IS THIS Before immediately UN-matching! Y’all said that was okay!

I was speaking in Clubhouse and a guy named Justin slide into my DMs expeditiously. A nice young preacher from the East who made me feel pretty. That’s before I went to his Instagram page and saw that he was married…. recently.

I get approached by so… many… husbands… that it’s discouraging.

It is with that, that I announce that I am discontinuing the “so I’ve opened myself to serial killers” series.

I asked myself why none of the men I met worked? Almost two years of blogging about these potential serial killers and not one forever match?!

It’s gotta be me right?! A lot of them were cool but what happened?

Could it be comparison.

My friend Glen told me once that I don’t have a husband because I don’t need one. I have a man for every need in my life. I have a man for car repairs and one that will pray for me. I have a man that I take vacations with and a man that I can sit on the phone for hours with. I have men I can call for dinners and dates, those that I can just Netflix (no chill) with.

I have men that encourage me and push me to my dreams. Men that hold me accountable for my actions good and bad. Men that communicate with me openly and effectively so that there is never a moment when I don’t feel challenged, loved, covered and protected.

And all of these men will let me hold their hand if I need it.

Where is the room for a husband?

Especially when there is one man in my life specifically who fills all those spaces.

Respectably.

This is the excuse I’ve decided to lean on to make me feel better about me. I know that it’s not all on me but I can only speak to myself in these experiences and welp… this reason makes it feel good to me.

The partial truth that I have all that I need need though I have zero percent of what I desire.

My own family.

I understand that God wouldn’t give me a desire that He isn’t willing to fill. I also understand that outside influences can often affect the way I think so I’ll keep you updated on where life takes me.

Per usual, since my life is like a movie.

Your friend, the perpetual rich auntie and big cousin,

StarringCourtny

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s