Aggressively Written and Reluctantly Shared #FitOrFat

I had weight loss surgery and didn’t tell you because I didn’t want your insecurities to flood over into my currently fragile existence.

My best friend didn’t agree with the surgery due to the possible complications so she offered no help. She said its your choice so deal with it.  I can work with that. My mommy wasn’t advised until the very last minute because she would worry and cry and Google death rates and freak herself out at me being “Opened up exposing my insides to the elements and germs of this world!” her exact words. I can handle that, but your words confirming the condemning thoughts that guide your thoughts concerning people who are sized like me…. I cannot.

“Girl you are about to be fine!”

You hear support, but all I hear is that you think that at this time in my life that I am not. That my excess weight somehow disqualifies me from being considered attractive and that you have probably been embarrassed by me at some time in our friendship because of such.

“You about to lose all this weight and get you a man”

Translated, obviously I am only single because I am fat. Never mind the years that I spent loving and being loved by a wonderful man before I decided I wanted more and moved away. Forget about all the bad decisions I made in the name of ‘shoot why not’ at weights soaring well past my current and the many men that scare me as I try to politely decline their attempts to pursue in order to avoid the wrath that comes with rejection.

“All your swim suits about to be bikinis’!”

The hilarity of the inaccuracy of this statement goes without saying. (Searches through my swim drawer suits for a top that matches the bottom let alone a monokini.. tuh.)

“You’re going to feel so much better thinner.”

Giving you the benefit of doubt let’s say you’re not saying about myself. Then I wonder, did my face reveal some hidden anguish that my body never felt however was portrayed and no one has yet to tell me? The assumption is that because I or others are overweight that we are silently suffering through ailments that are caused by the excess weight. Creaking bones and sluggish systems – when health doesn’t have a size. THERE ARE UNHEALTHY PEOPLE IN ALL SHELLS! I was suffering from Diabetes. It’s a silent killer. Where was the pain??

I surely lost a large amount of readers as I have learned that it is unimaginable to people that all fat people aren’t on their death beds.

Despite the examples from the non exhaustive list of things that make me wanna punch people is the self imposed fear of disappointment from plus sized community. I have had the opportunity to inspire, conquer fears, change perspectives, and live an amazing life with no limits as a plus sized woman and I fear that the women that follow me may think that I have fallen into the lies that we are told when we are fat.

That thinner is not only prettier but overall better and necessary. Accepted.

I assure you that THAT is not the case.  I have proven that.. WE have proven that. As soon as I can manage my thoughts we will discuss the disgust I have with my body as its changing into the unknown..  the unloved… the basic..

I ask for all of your support as I transition into some one who simply looks different NOT better because I am amazing just the way I am.. was…

Forever your fatty,

StarringCourtney

 

2 Replies to “Aggressively Written and Reluctantly Shared #FitOrFat”

  1. Most people have that mindset and questions because those are the reasons they would consider wls. You are awesome and amazing and since I have met you I have been inspired countless times🥰 I love how you took your best friend and your mothers response and opinions about your surgery. You listened and accepted what they had to say but did not let that tear you away from YOUR decision😍 prayers for a speedy recovery💕

    Like

  2. You are AMAZING! Always have..always will be. I have been praying for your healing knowing that whatever surgery you had, you would be well. Keep being vulnerable my friend. It helps others in ways that you don’t know. You INSPIRE me. I love reading your blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

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