#TheLieIBelieveIs I don’t think I’m worth it.
“I have a character flaw that makes me believe no one cares so instead of being disappointed to find it true I take care of myself.” – response to walking myself to my car.
I suffer from comparison. There’s always someone thinner, prettier, more witty, quieter, exceptionally dressed-er, more worthy of your time than me. I’m dope. That fact is sewn into my being but.. There’s always something I can find to envy. Especially when it comes to men.
I have accepted the excuse that not everyone loves like you love. It’s maybe, all they know. I get forgotten a lot. A LOT. People often assume I’m out living an extraordinary life and the invites never quite reach me.
I spend a lot of time waiting for people who never show and forgive immediately when they simply changed plans w no regard to me… waiting.
Text messages don’t get returned (they forgot to press send) or promises to show up or hang out fall flat w no communication and then.. We continue like it never happened.
I hold in a lot of hidden aggression from rejection and it tells me. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. Not. Worthy.
So tonight, like normal, when I found myself in a group of three. I excused myself cause I assume that I am always the one who gets left out.
When asked why I walked myself to my car my response should have been. “Because my life experiences tell me that you will always choose someone over me”
#TheTruthIs I’m worthy
I ran out of gas tonight about 100 feet from the pump. (The light has been on 3 days. I am irresponsible, yes.)
I put on my blinkers and stepped out of my car. As soon as I did three men ran over from three diff cars and said “Hey, You need help?” They wanted nothing more than to simply assist me. They pushed me to the pump and then waved goodbye. Wanting nothing but to be there cause..
They saw me.
And I was worthy enough to see.
I am worth being seen and God uses these small things to remind me that no matter what.. God knows what I need and sends it when it’s needed and typically in a trinity.